Okay, so it's Thursday, May 31st in the late afternoon. It's been a busy day and I hurt from head to toe. Literally. I tried an Advil but even that didn't help!! I just hurt and I want it to stop! My fibromyalgia is just really bad. 

I haven't blogged for a long time. Between my friend, Anne, having ovarian cancer, going down to pick her up in Portland and the long drive home, then dealing with Dennis's mom who has dementia and is kind of nutty, (I think), most every day, then Memorial Day weekend - two cookouts (us as hosts), I am just tired out. I also feel like perhaps I need to go back on an anti-depressant medication. Seems like I either feel like crying, sleeping, laughing uncontrollably at things that seem to not be as funny to anyone but me, being grumpy, feeling hurt (will explain more later.) Plus, I just can't shake these bad dreams I  have almost nightly. They leave me with a hauntingly eerie and empty feeling. During the day I get glimpses of these dreams in my day to day activities, and it unnerves me. And, my youngest daughter, who has Crohn's Disease and gallbladder issues, told me about a test she was having done on Tuesday, but for some reason I have no recollection of her telling me anything at all. She swears she did. Honest, I do not remember. I am just thankful that the test turned out pretty good. I did apologize to her for not remembering...maybe I just didn't hear her. 

I think the most hurtful thing that happened this week was this. Yesterday was my oldest daughter's 46th birthday. I asked her earlier in the week if she wanted to have dinner and cake on her birthday and she said no, she would rather do it this coming weekend. I found out later that her father and his wife took her and her husband out to dinner. I know this shouldn't be an issue but it has been an ongoing issue since we divorced when she was 3. For all those years, he didn't even want anything to do with her or her older brother until they were in their 30's. He even let them be adopted by another man. He was my first boyfriend and I became pregnant in my senior year of high school. He told me I surely couldn't get pregnant the first time, and being as naive as I was, I believed him. Yup, 9 months later I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

 We married 2 days after my high school graduation, he left 2 days later as he was in the Navy (he'd been drafted just when I found out I was pregnant.) Oh, and did I mention when he came back to marry me, he had Yellow Fever? The fun just never ends. I ended up in Perryville, MD, during the summer that year. Hotter than Hades! A small trailer, 10 feet from the railroad tracks. The trailer shook so badly every time the train went by, that anything on a shelf or countertop jumped off and broke. No air conditioning, pregnant, morning, afternoon, evening sickness, I thought I was going to die. Finally, I ended up coming back home, thanks to mom and dad. I guess they finally realized that the one-way plane ticket home would be much less than the collect phone calls I made to them at least twice a day from an outside phone booth. 

 I remember putting Colgate toothpaste on one of the stains on my husband's white Navy Uniform shirt as I did not have the energy to go to the laundromat and wash it. I was never so glad to get away from anywhere in all my 17 (yes, seventeen) years. 

But, did I learn? No, of course not. He was stationed in Italy and wanted me to come - so of course, I went. I.D.I.O.T!!!! Flew into Rome with a 5 month old baby. He had promised to meet me there...3 hours later I finally found a Naval officer who could speak English and help me. Luckily for me, he was headed to Naples, so he took us there too. When the Naval Officer located my husband and asked why he had not picked me up...his excuse was "Oh, they came today? - huh - I musta forgot. Hahaha... - no, not so funny!" 

I never saw him. He was stationed on a Destroyer Tender in the Medeterrain Ocean. I lived in an apartment in a 'villa' where other Naval wives lived. I was the only one with a baby. But, thank heavens for the other wives. I never would have made it without them. So very homesick and so young. Of course, when he did come home I immediately got pregnant again. Flew home at 6 months pregnant as they would only let Military wives fly up until that point back in the day. 

There's too much more to tell right now. I am hungry and tired, so I'd better go eat. Maybe we can talk more about this tomorrow.